How Dungeons and Dragons Can Help You Manage Your Life
I have officially completed year one of my nursing program. Adjusting from being a full-time trainer in a hardcore gym to a full-time solo practitioner, a nursing student, and a part-time solo practitioner has been a struggle. I have held off on sharing because people typically respond to positive and short stories. Complexity doesn’t perform. However, if what I learned can help one person, it is worth sharing.
All or Nothing
When I am not doing well, I tend to all or nothing thinking. This type of thinking can be helpful in the short term, but it is not a sustainable way to live. I have been working on this tendency for quite some time, but nursing school has tested my skills. I went from an environment where I could train for 2-3 hours 5-6 days a week with my friends to having a minimum amount of time to prepare meals, manage my home, exercise, socialize, work, go to nursing clinical, write papers, and study for exams.
Last summer, I went into “nothing” mode, poured myself into school, and the rest of me suffered. I felt like a fraud training people when I barely had my routine together. This kind of self-criticism, catastrophic thinking, and all-or-nothing attitude has reared its head before. However, I now have the experience, awareness, and tools to manage it. In times like this, I must remember that feelings are not facts. Feelings are a guide to the truth, but they are not the truth itself. What is true is that graduate school is new, demanding, and must be on the priorities list. I need to troubleshoot my competing priorities instead of walking away from everything else. I can occupy multiple spaces but cannot be 100% or 0%. I needed to find a “point buy system” that would work for my life to have a few priorities at once rather than all or nothing.
The Point Buy System
In Dungeons & Dragons, you customize your character’s abilities by buying skills with a pool of points. You get 27 points to invest in six aspects of your character. Taking a similar approach to my priorities has been life-changing and provided a more realistic focus for my passions and obligations.
To apply the point buy system, you must know what is most important to you.
Here is a list of my personal goals before nursing school:
Compete in 1-2 strength sport competitions/year
Grow my personal training and massage therapy business
Make my house feel more like a home
Nurture meaningful relationships
Manage stress and anxiety and cope better by using journaling and therapy
Before school, I had the time to divide my attention across all these goals AND spent much time watching TV or scrolling social media. When I audited my time, I found a lot of missed opportunities–especially when it came to vague goals such as growing my business and getting more settled in my home. I spent a lot more time doing things that caused stress and anxiety (such as mindlessly consuming content that encouraged comparing myself to others and participating in activities that were not relaxing). I had no idea how I was spending allocating my 27 points.
When I added a new goal that required a lot of points: finance, and performing well in nursing school without awareness of my time, I crashed and burned. Hard. I was doing well in school, but my home life, relationships, mental health, and physical practice suffered.
Allocate Points in Line with Values
Stress, anxiety, guilt, or overwhelm can take over when your point buy system is out of line with your values. It is like dreaming to be the sneakiest, most cunning rogue, but you invest all your points in constitution. Constitution is essential, but unless becoming the party’s tank is a priority, it is best to allocate a majority of 27 points into dexterity so you can better identify and dodge dungeon traps and fleece some extra gold at the next tavern encounter.
However, if you are currently the rogue but want to become the barbarian, that is ok. Start reinvesting your points. We contain multitudes, and growth and change are inevitable. However, be clear on your values before doing things because you think you should or trying to do too much at once.
I realized I was putting much pressure on myself to perform and compare myself to others. I had adopted black-and-white thinking to get through a stressful period. However, this coping mechanism was no longer serving me. What have I learned?
My values and action plan
Have more personal time in my relationships.
1-1 and small groups are best for me to interact. When practicing self-observation, I learned that large groups were often draining, making it more challenging to feel like I was myself.
A consistent physical practice
I need to do this first. Waking up early to lift is hard, but I don’t regret it once I get moving.
Honestly, I would like to become a muscle mami. I might take the plunge this year. Stay tuned!
Becoming self-sufficient (within reason). This year has looked like:
More intention meal prepping and learning how to do home and car maintenance
Learning new skills and information, I can share with others
Grad school scratched this itch for now. Another thing I would like to do is take scientific studies related to strength and conditioning and synthesize them on TikTok.
Taking two quiet hours a week to myself is essential for me to recharge.
Experiencing other worlds through reading or cozy video games (Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley, and Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom are recent favorites)
Going on long walks
Journaling
Some things to ponder
Most things are not easy, but often, simplicity is the best path forward.
What do you value? Are your activities aligning with your values? Where can you start making changes to spend more time aligned with your values?
Bonus: are you team extrovert or introvert? Are ambiverts real?